Interviewer: “Hello, and welcome to another episode of Get to Know Your Characters. I’m your host, and today on the show we have Cillian Shaughnessy from the Irish Roulette series. How are you, Cillian?”
Cillian: “As knackered as a whore after a big sales night. Can we get on with this?”
Interviewer: “Today we’re doing things a little differently. We have questions from one of our faithful readers! So, are you ready?”
Cillian: “No.” [Stares blankly] “Get it over with, would ye?”
Interviewer: [Clears throat] “Cillian, what’s. . . . Oh.” [Stares at question] “Ah.”
Cillian: [Smirks] “This seems like a fun wee question. Go on then, ask me.”
Interviewer: [frowns and continues] “What is your favorite way to kill a man?”
Cillian: “Nice. Good question. If I ever killed a man, which I am not admitting to because we at the Killough Company are upstanding businessmen, who definitely do not kill anyone. But if I did, it would be by strangulation. There’s something nice about watching the life drain out a bloke’s eyes.” [Laughs and rearranges himself] “Not that I’ve had the experience, of course.”
Interviewer: [Shifts uncomfortably] “Um, yes. Anyway, the reader wants to know what your best sex story is.”
Cillian: “If ye’ve read our books, ye’ve already seen it, haven’t ye? Shagging with all of us. Pretty bloody hot, ain’t it?”
Interviewer: “Next question! When did you lose your virginity?”
Cillian: “With a bird or a bloke? Bird’s a woman, not a fecking actual fowl by the way. Ye yanks always get it wrong.” [Smirks] “I was sixteen with a bloke. His name was Mitch, and he had an arse in the shape of a peach. A bit like Vail’s.” [Mimics the shape of a peach with his hands] “He was pretty good looking, too. With a woman, it was two days after Mitch. I got a taste for getting off. Fuck if I know her name. Didn’t care to learn it. Barely knew Mitch, as far as that goes.”
Interviewer: [makes a face]
Cillian: [Raises his eyebrows] “Something to say?”
Interviewer: “No. The next question the reader wants to know is… do you prefer shaved assholes or not?”
Cillian: “Don’t care, do I? As long as I get me cock inside, they all do the same thing.”
Interviewer: “And your favorite positions?”
Cillian: “With what? Football?”
Interviewer: “I’m sure you know exactly what the reader meant.”
Cillian: [Snickers] “They’ve got lots of sex questions, don’t they? Horny? Don’t worry, sweetheart, me too. I like all kinds of positions. I prefer the control, though. I’m the one in charge.”
Interviewer: [Mutters] “Arrogant prick”
Cillian: “Ye say something?”
Interviewer: [Sends him a fake smile] “Of course not. Next question from our reader. If you had to choose to fuck, marry, or kill someone out of your… men, who would you choose for each?”
Cillian: “What kind of fecking question is that? Is this a real interview? I want to talk to Ki or Meg.”
Interviewer: [Whispers furiously] The sooner you answer the questions, the sooner I can leave. Answer.
Cillian: “Calm yer tits. Jeeze. I’d fuck Fallon and marry Vail. Kill no one. That’s what the fuckwits who mess with Sloan are for, ain’t they?”
Interviewer: “That’s not how this game works.”
Cillian: [Leans forward in his chair] “Ye think I give a feck? Move on.”
Interviewer: [Exhales loudly in anger] “Would you fuck Sloan?”
Cillian: “The boss?” [Throws head back and laughs] “Feck no. We both like the same things. We’re tops. Nah, I wouldn’t fuck him. He’s hot, but we’re not compatible. Nobody’s got anything on his pet, anyway. The boss only has eyes for Conall, and I have me boys. I mean, Vail.”
Interviewer: “What do you think about Fionn?”
Cillian: [throws hands up] “Again, who gives a fuck? Who is this reader?”
Interviewer: “Question. Answer. That’s how this works.”
Cillian: “I don’t know him enough to give a shite about him. Next.”
Interviewer: [Stares down at the questions and crosses some off because she wants to get out of here faster] “The reader wishes to know if you’d fuck Conall.”
Cillian: [Stares] “That’s like asking if I have a death wish. I don’t.”
Interviewer: “Doesn’t really answer the question, does it?”
Cillian: “Yeah, it does because I’m not stupid, am I? Next.”
Interviewer: [Mutters] “Debatable.” [Clears throat] “Would you rather fuck Ardan or Gabe?”
Cillian: “The assassin and the hitman?” [Looks around] “Is this a joke? Neither. I got me boy.”
Interviewer: “If you didn’t have a relationship, who would you choose?”
Cillian: “Ah fuck. I don’t know. The hitman. He seems like he’s got less of a stick up his arse. Ardan thinks his shite don’t stink.”
Interviewer: “What’s a random thought from you?”
Cillian: “I’d rather be fucking Vail and Fallon. They’re really good at taking me cock. If ye hurry the feck up, I could be doing that.”
Interviewer: “Do you like shaving your balls?”
Cillian: [Stares] “Sounds like I’m getting all the interesting questions. Aspen didn’t get these kinds. Whatever. Nah, I don’t shave ’em. That’s Slugger’s thing. He shaves his entire body. I trim me bush, ye know? I’m polite. That’s about it.”
Interviewer: “The last question from our reader is: What would you like to see Fallon wear?”
Cillian: “Nothing. He and Vail look good in nothing. Naked. Nada.” [Stands] “Now, if ye don’t mind, I’m going to go see them in that. Peace the feck out. Or don’t.” [With a final smirk, he flips the bird toward the camera and leaves]
Interviewer: [Turns to stare at the camera] He’s more frustrating than the other one. Let’s hope their personalities get a little better.
If this is the first time you’ve met Cillian, you can get to know him better HERE
If you already know Cillian and want to leave him a love note, you can do it HERE